Where I am

First off, it looks like I’m going to be knitting something in deep teal next, which is brilliant because I love both the yarn and the design I have planned for it. The splendid Leigh has won the contest; Leigh, I’ll be contacting you about color choice and sending some very nice sock yarn your way. Thanks everyone who commented, we may have broken a record with that post!

But for the moment, I have nothing knitting-related to share with you.

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My father Alan passed away unexpectedly at home on Friday. I’d been planning to travel to Maine to teach a class and then take him out to dinner for his birthday; instead I postponed my class and spent time making arrangements and saying goodbye.

(Thanks so much for your understanding to the lovely folks at Saco River Yarns, you were wonderful.)

I want to tell you all about him–his ready laughter and jokes, his wonderful cooking, how very much he taught me about being a good parent–but I find that I cannot, right now. Later, I hope.

For now, it feels best to simply try to forge ahead, at least here. To exert some small measure of control over something and continue more or less as I’d planned, on this blog and elsewhere online. I have a design I’m excited to share with you, the CustomFit beta testers are gearing up to begin, I have added some classes to my teaching schedule for the fall and next spring.

I hope you’ll forgive me the drive-by sharing of grief, and then a march onward. It seems to be what I can handle, at least right now. I appreciate, so very much, that you’re all out there. No amount of anything can fill the void left by a loved one, but it is far better not to be alone during these times.

170 thoughts on “Where I am

  1. So very sorry Amy. He sounds like a great guy; you are all the better for his lifetime of guidance.

    1. My condolences to you and your Family Amy, take care of yourself first, everything else will fall into place

  2. I’m so sorry for your loss. 🙁

  3. as i said in my email to you i’m really sorry. i know what it’s like to lose a parent unexpectedly like that. i took solace though in knowing that although it was a shock to us when my mother passed away, that she also didn’t suffer. i hope it was that way for your father, and that knowing that, brings you peace.

  4. Oh, Amy, I’m so very sorry. Hugs to you all!

  5. I am soooo sorry for your loss. My condolences to you and your family.
    I know how you feel and what your going through.

  6. My heart aches for you, your family, and for this sudden unspeakably vast loss. I am so sorry, Amy.

  7. I’m so sorry for your loss.

  8. I am so sad to read of your fathers’ passing. My thoughts are with you as I send a virtual hug your way along with sincere condolences.

  9. I am so, so sorry for your loss.

  10. Oh Amy, I am so very sorry to read this. Please know that you and your family are in all of our thoughts and prayers. Sending love and hugs.

  11. I am so very sorry for your loss Amy.

  12. I’m so sorry, Amy. All my love to you.

  13. Hugs for you and yours.

  14. I’m so very sorry for your loss. Whether sudden or expected, nothing really prepares you for losing a loved one. I hope your family and friends, both physical and virtual, will help you at such a sad time.

  15. So very sorry to hear of your sudden loss.

  16. My heart goes out to you and your family. Be good to yourself during this difficult time.

  17. I am so sorry for your loss. My Dad passed away in 2000 and I still miss him . Hugs sent your way.

  18. My sincere condolences Amy. Take care.

  19. Sending you my very sincere sympathy. I lost my father far too soon and miss him every day.

  20. My heart goes out to you, Amy…I too lost my father unexpectedly, five years ago, and there isn’t a day they I don’t think of him and miss him, with love and gratitude. It will get better, I promise!!!

  21. I am so sorry, Amy. My thoughts are with you and your family.

  22. Fathers are pivotal in our lives. I am so sorry for your loss and will keep you and your family in my prayers.

  23. My heart goes out to you, Amy. I lost my father unexpectedly five years ago, so I know well what you’re feeling. It will get better, I promise you!! Not a day goes by I don’t think of my dad with love and gratitude. Here’s a big hug ((())))

  24. So sorry Amy. Lost my dad in April so I am right there with you putting one foot in front of the other and marching forward. They are looking over our shoulders and guiding us. Hold the love and memories close and keep the marching band playing. Sending hugs and love your way.

  25. Amy, I am so sorry for your loss. He looks like a wonderful man/Dad. Hugs, Suzanne

  26. Amy, I’m so sorry for your loss.

  27. My deepest condolences. That picture says so much about both of you and your wonderful relationship.

  28. I’m so sorry for your loss.

  29. I’m so so sorry. Sending you lots of hugs.

  30. I’m so sorry, Amy. Even if you don’t think you’ve told us much about the man who shaped your life with his love and guidance, the true dignity, love and grace with which you are operating right now speaks volumes to the wonderful man he was. Your tribute is in being you – the woman once the child he loved dearly.

  31. Amy, I remember meeting your father when I took your class in Maine. I’m so sorry to hear about his passing. I hope your happy memories of him will keep your warm forever. xxxooo

  32. I’m so sorry. I hope you know we are all thinking of you and your family. Take care.

  33. I am so sorry for your loss. Peace be with you and your family.

  34. Amy, I am so sorry for your loss. I also met your Dad when you were in Maine for a class. I was at Purl Diva when you came in to meet with Ellen with your Dad in tow.. the great relationship that you had was very obvious even from first impressions.. Hoping those many great memories give you comfort in the days ahead..

  35. Amy,
    I am so sorry for your loss.
    Big hugs & my deepest sympathy to you & your family.

  36. Deeply sorry for your loss, Amy. Nothing can prepare you and no words can ease the pain. Thinking of you and your family.

  37. Oh, Amy. I am so so sorry. Sending you love and prayers and strength. May his memory always be a blessing to you. Know that you are loved and supported.

  38. I’m sad for you.
    I send you a lot of love and courage fromage France.
    Eve

  39. From France, of course…

  40. Amy I am so sorry for your loss. It is always hard, but unexpected loss is so much more difficult. Thoughts of strength for you, peace for all his loved ones and loving memories for all the lives he touched.

  41. Peace and comfort to you in the love of your family and friends as you mourn your Dad’s passing. It’s a life transition to be fatherless, one that you will no doubt make with strength and resilience. Thank you for sharing your journey.

  42. Sending you waves of love and light, Dear Amy. I too have just experienced a very sudden loss, and other non-related trauma in the last few weeks. Be kind to yourself as you navigate through these times. Giant hugs xoxoxo

  43. Amy, I’m so sorry for your loss.

  44. So Sorry for the loss of your father it hurts very much, it does leave a hole in you soul. We send good thoughts to you and your family.

  45. Amy, I am so very sorry for your loss. Take care of yourself and your family. We’ll be here to talk about knitting when you’re ready.

  46. Amy, so sad to hear of your dad’s sudden passing. Thoughts of love surround you and your family.

  47. Oh, Amy, I am so sorry…

  48. Oh Amy, I’m so sorry for your loss. Sending you lots of love.

  49. Amy, I am so very sorry to read of your loss. There are never any words when something like this happens, but I am sending you lots of cyber hugs and prayers for strength.

  50. i am so sorry for your loss.
    continue to “handle” this in the way that YOU feel is right for YOU…

    love from norway

  51. I’m so sorry for your loss.
    Don’t worry about us in all of this, do what is right for you.

  52. So very sorry to read this, and I think you are doing the right thing by handling it in the way that feels right for you. Sending love to you and yours.
    x

  53. I’m so sorry to hear about your father.

  54. I’m so very sorry to hear that. Sending lots of hugs.

  55. I’m so sorry Amy.

  56. So sorry for your loss Amy, sending healing energy your way

  57. Please accept my sincerest condolences, Amy.

  58. Dear Amy,
    I am so very sorry for your loss. There is no way to prepare for this. Please give yourself some space to breathe and time to be together with your family.

  59. So sorry for the loss of your Dad. Savor the memories, allow yourself time to adjust and grieve in the way that is best for you.

  60. Amy – there are really no words that can express how sorry I am for your loss. Please know you will be in our thoughts and prayers.

  61. Amy, I am so sorry for your loss. I’ll be sending my prayers to you and your family.

  62. I’m so sorry for your loss.

  63. I am so sorry to hear of your loss. My thoughts are with you.

  64. I’m so sorry for your loss.

  65. My thoughts are with you during this difficult time. Condolences.

  66. Oh, no … I’m so very sad to hear about your loss. Sending love and mojo your way.

  67. Amy, I’m so very sorry to hear of this loss. My thoughts are with you and yours.

  68. So sorry for your loss. May you find peace with time and in the memories.

  69. Amy, my thoughts are with you during this difficult time.

  70. Oh Amy, I am so very sorry for your loss, and I know how lame that sounds. Know that you and yours are in many of our hearts and prayers at this time.

  71. My heart is with you in your loss, Amy. Thank you for sharing this with us. I admire you all the more for doing so. Love and healing.

  72. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Words feel so inadequate…..I hope you feel the ‘virtual’ hugs that are going out to you from all of us.

  73. So sorry to hear of your father’s passing. Will be keeping you and your family in my thoughts for healing, and am sending hugs your way.

  74. Amy, I am so sorry to hear your sad news. How blessed you are to have good memories of him to comfort you and your family.

    Hugs if you would like them,

    Karen in Kansas

  75. I’m so sorry for your loss.

  76. Oh Amy, I’m so sorry for your loss. Please know that you and your family are in my prayers.

  77. Amy, I am so sorry for your loss. It is so difficult to lose a parent. I’m sending hugs and prayers to you and your family.

  78. Amy, I am so very sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you.
    Do what works for you, everyone grieves in their own way, find what is best for you and go with that. Don’t let anyone tell you how you should act or what you can or cannot do. Hugs from California!

  79. I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. Although we know that someday our parents will leave us, I don’t think that we are ever really ready or prepared for it.. May your memories bring you peace.

  80. Please don’t feel the need to apologize for anything.

    God bless your dad and your family. I just hope that his death, though unexpected, was also uneventful.

    Take care.

  81. Amy, I am so sorry about your dad. I read your blog all the time (and love it) and am so sorry for your loss. -nicole

  82. Amy,

    I’m so sorry to hear of the loss of your dad. May your memories of him keep him close to your heart.

  83. My most sincere condolences to you and your family on the loss of your father. Take good care of each other and knit on!

  84. Please accept my condolences on the passing of your beloved father, Alan.

  85. So very sorry for your loss. I hope your wonderful memories of him can sustain you through your grief. Hugs.

  86. So sorry to hear about your loss.

  87. I’m so sorry for your loss. Wishing you and your family peace and comfort.

  88. Amy, I am so sorry for your loss. I know what it’s like to lose a parent. There will be a void that won’t be filled, but the pain will eventually pass. Keeping you in my thoughts.

  89. Amy, such sad news. My heart aches for you. He was too young at 63. So sorry for you and your family.

    “I shall be richer all my life for this sorrow” – Wallace Stegner

  90. My sympathies are with you. It is so hard to lose a parent.

  91. Oh geez. Words won’t make it better, but I hope that you get to have time to grieve when you need it and for as long as you need it. Many thoughts to you and your family

  92. I am so sorry for your loss. Keeping you and your family in my thoughts.

  93. I’m sorry for your loss!

  94. Words cannot begin to express how sorry I am for your loss. I only know that time will ease the tears. Keep moving until you can pause. My thoughts are with you.

  95. Oh Amy, I am so sorry for your loss. I understand the need for the drive-by and then the need to keep moving. We are here when and how you need us.

  96. So very sorry. I do love that picture you posted, though. I can see reflections of your dad in you. Beautiful.

  97. Amy, I am so very sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you and your family.

  98. I can so empathize. I just lost my dad in late January. I am just starting to be able to talk about him without being overcome with emotion, sometimes anyway. It was unexpected, but I can rationalize and say at least he didn’t suffer very long.
    I am so sorry for your loss, you are still so young and he looked pretty young too.
    My knitting certainly helped me cope and move forward as I’m sure yours does.

  99. I am so very sorry. Sending thoughts of comfort to you and your family.

    Shirley Paden visited my knitting guild in the spring, and she shared the story of how her mother passed away while Shirley was in the middle of a big project. She said she just kept pressing forward, because that was what her mother (a feisty, strong woman) would have wanted her to do. So, I think you are honoring all your father taught you by forging ahead.

  100. Amy, my sincere condolence. Sending you huges and preyers.

  101. Please accept my very sincere condolences– sending hugs and love.

  102. I’m so sorry for the sudden loss of your beloved father. Be patient with yourself as you grieve and adjust. He clearly inspired you through his creative pursuits and that will never leave you.

  103. My deepest sympathy for you. May your memories sustain you. Perhaps a later pattern can be named after him as a way of honoring him. Maybe even the teal one that you’re going to release next. I bet he’d be proud to share his name with a pattern you designed. ((hugs))

  104. So sorry for your loss.

  105. Oh Amy, I teared up when I read this. I am so very sorry that you lost your dad. I hope that you find comfort in your family during this difficult time.

  106. Amy, you are in my thoughts. Very sorry for your loss.

  107. Your father has so much to be proud of, in the daughter he raised. It’s never easy to bury a parent; I’m sorry. You are an amazing designer and mastermind and kudos to your father and mother for designing a part of you.

  108. I’m so sorry – you have my deepest sympathy.

  109. Im so sorry Amy, Im sure he was very proud of you and your family. He will stay close to your heart forever. I lost my Dad 2 months ago unexpectedly … its a deep sadness when we lose a parent. Take care.

  110. Amy, I’m so sorry that you lost your dad. Sending thoughts of peace to you.

  111. Amy,
    I am so very sorry to hear about your losing your Dad. I cannot truly empathize, as both of my parents are still living, but I will be praying for you to be comforted.

  112. I’m so sorry for your loss.

  113. Oh, Amy, I’m so sad for you and your family. How horrible to lose a loved one unexpectedly. I’m sure he was so proud of you – published author, internationally recognized teacher, etc. Hope your kids are dealing OK.

  114. I’m so sorry for your loss. Be sure that you take enough time from your busy schedule to grieve and spend time with family.

  115. I’m so sorry for your loss. You and your family will be in my thoughts.

  116. Amy, I’m so sorry for your loss.

  117. I am sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you and your family.

  118. My heart goes out to you, Amy. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

  119. Amy, I’m sending my deepest condolences for this particular loss. I was always Daddy’s girl, and I’ve missed him every day of the six years he has been gone. I’m so happy that he made such a wonderful impact on your life, and that you have many wonderful memories.

  120. Oh, Amy. xxx

  121. Amy, I am so very sorry to hear about your dad…will keep you and your family in my thoughts.

  122. I’m so very sorry for your loss. Thinking of you. 🙁

  123. I am so sorry for your loss Amy. May the memories of the wonderful times you shared with your Father be a comfort to you during this difficult time.

  124. Amy, so sorry to hear of your loss. My father also died suddenly, almost a year ago. It is hard, but it gets better slowly. I’ll say prayers for you and your family.

  125. Amy – losing parents is so very difficult and I’m glad he got to see your book published and know what a wonderful life you’re creating with your family.I know he was proud.

  126. So sorry for your loss. Be sure to take some time to pamper yourself too.

    Namaste.

  127. Amy – I’m so very, very sorry for your loss, made all the more tragic by its suddenness and his young age (only two years older than my brother).

  128. Amy – I am so sorry for the loss of your dad. You and your family and in my thoughts.

  129. Amy – I am so, so sorry to hear about your dad. My thoughts are with you and the rest of your family. Take care.

  130. Amy, what a terrible loss all of a sudden, I hope you can find strength in the good memories that you have of him.
    hugs, Josien

  131. There really are no words to say how sad and sorry I am. Sending you hugs.

  132. I’m so sorry to hear about your father, and am sending peaceful thoughts your way. Give yourself and your family as much time to heal as needed. Then, we’ll be here when you’re ready to talk about your dad!

  133. I am so very sorry for your loss.

  134. So very sorry for your loss. May your memories bring you peace.

  135. So very sorry to hear about your sudden loss. He looks like a great guy and the memories will get you through the tough times. I bet he was one of your biggest fans.

  136. I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. I hope you find comfort in the arms of your family and friends. Please take care.

  137. We totally get it. Nothing but love and empathy coming from here.

  138. Amy,my condolences to you and your family.

  139. Holding you and your family in the Light.

  140. Amy, I’m so sorry for your loss. My mother passed away somewhat unexpectedly last fall after a very very brief battle with cancer. I know how you feel – and I know how much comfort the words of friends can be. I know you don’t know me (although we did meet in your KRR class last year and hung out in the lounge) but I hope my words bring you some small measure of comfort.

  141. Oh Amy, so sorry to hear of your loss. Dads have special places in our hearts. hugs to you

  142. I’m so sorry for your loss, Amy. My thoughts are with you.

  143. I’m so sorry for your loss.

  144. I am so sorry to hear of your Dad’s passing, Amy. It is a shock and a sudden emptiness to find him gone when there was always tomorrow. I lost my father 10 years ago and I still miss him, but the joy he brought my sons and the gifts of his wisdom live on, as I am sure they will do in you. Sending hugs and condolences.

  145. My condolences to you and your family on your loss. Lots of love, as well.

  146. Amy, so sorry to read about your Dad. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

  147. So sorry for your loss and pain. Wishing you and your family peace and love during this very difficult time

  148. My deepest sympathy for your loss.

  149. He sounds like a wonderful man, and will be very missed. All the best to you and your family.

  150. What sad news. He looks like a very nice man and sounds like he was a great dad. I hope in time the good memories are stronger than the grief.

  151. I’m so sorry to hear about your lovely dad.

  152. I’m so sorry for your loss.

    Everyone grieves in their own way in their own time. Don’t apologize for the way you are dealing with it now or as time progresses.

  153. So very very sorry for the loss of your father. He sounds like a wonderful man. Grieve in whatever way you need and don’t apologize for it.

    Marilyn (Rav:knit1yoga2)

  154. Amy, my deepest condolences on the loss of your Dad. Your knitting family is always here for you.

  155. I am so sorry about your father’s passing – Losing a parent isn’t easy. It sounds like he has left behind a lot of good memories.

  156. Amy, I am truly saddened by your unexpected loss. My heart goes out to you at this time. Stay strong. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

  157. My deepest sympathy on the loss of your father. You two look very comfortable and happy in the picture. It was nice to hear your lovely thoughts of such a fine man and his influence on your life.

  158. My sympathy.
    You do not have to apologize for wanting to ‘march onward’. It is perfectly normal to want to continue your day-to-day routine; that helps keep you busy and distracted, so you’re not on the couch for a week surrounded by chocolate and Kleenex.
    That said, it is also perfectly normal to spend a week on the couch surrounded by chocolate and Kleenex. You do what is best for you.

  159. I’m so sorry to read about the passing of your Dad. Sending you lots of virtual love and hugs as you begin to grieve him.

  160. My sympathies for the loss to you and your family. May your memories of your Dad make you smile in the end.

  161. I’m so very sorry about the loss of your dad. What a beautiful picture you posted of the two of you. Take good care of yourself.

  162. My all your memories of your dear Dad sustain you and your family at this sad time. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

  163. I am so sorry for your loss, I know how that feels, I lost my mother 17 years ago. There is nothing like losing a parent, the loss is so deep. Just know that my thoughts and prayers are with you. I know that you don’t know me but if you need to chat with someone other than family, feel free to e-mail me.

    Sincerely TerryLee Diemert

  164. A big hug to you, prayers and good thoughts coming your way. There is no “right” or “wrong” way to feel or process your loss…thanks for sharing at exactly the level you can…it takes awhile, but you’ll be okay…

  165. Amy, my heart breaks for you. You and your family are in my thoughts at this difficult time. Deepest sympathy & hugs.

  166. I’m sorry to hear of your loss. When my father passed away unexpectedly, like you a few days before planned visit, it was hard to focus on anything more than “right now.” , even harder to knit anything more than stockinette hats… Sharing your sorrow.

  167. I’m so sorry to hear of your loss! You and your family will be in my thoughts. Take care of yourself.

  168. Amy, I’m so sorry. I lost my dad too young as well.

    Please know that hundreds – if not thousands by now – of people are keeping you in our thoughts.

  169. Dear Amy,
    So very sorry about your loss. Praying for you and your family! May God Bless and keep you.

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